Welcome to Day 4 of the challenge.
Find the details for Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3.
How do you feel thus far? I have found it quite liberating to be taking small steps. I have to be patient with myself and trust the process. What about you? Share your experiences in the comments below.
For the last two days we have been reflecting on and writing about what we know we should be doing and we know we should not be doing regarding this area we want to change. We have also forgiven ourselves for any judgments which arose when we wrote about our area.
Day 4
Step 1
Today, we are writing, what John-Roger refers to as our “story about what happened in regard to what [we] have described in Day 2 and Day 3.” In our story, we should include a discussion of the “philosophy” that we have developed that helps us rationalize what we do that we know we should not be doing or not do what we should be doing. In other words, what rationalizations do we use to support our behaving contrary to what we know.
John-Roger instructs us to continue to be detailed as possible and to include experiences from our childhood, parents, upbringing, religion, beliefs where they may be appropriate.
For me, one philosophy that helps me rationalize what I do that I should not be doing is that everything is important and that I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity. I was raised with the belief that I should take every opportunity that I am offered because it will help me to better prepare for the future. This philosophy is one that was instilled in school and one of the reasons why I excelled. I learned recently that the opportunity I may be given is the opportunity to say “no.” I haven’t taken advantage of that opportunity.
Another philosophy is that I should be able to do things myself and so I don’t reach out for help and thus remain overwhelmed. I learned to believe that doing things myself helped me to be independent and showed that I was self-reliant. In school, I was expected to perform on my own and to show my own determination and work. When I didn’t understand, I didn’t have to ask for help. When I needed help, my teachers knew to extend the helping hand and always seemed to know exactly what I needed. So I expect people to know how they should be helping me.
Another philosophy that supports me not finishing is that no one suffers from me not finishing but me. I don’t negatively affect other people’s opportunities or performance. Since those are MY projects, they can be put in the back-burner so that other more “important” things can be done. This philosophy is that others are always more important than myself.
One way of thinking that helps me focus on other things is that I should KNOW what the outcome should be and have every step planned out before I can get serious about finishing. I don’t trust the process or the negotiations that will be made along the way. Because I am not sure of the outcome, then I give myself permission to stall.
Even though, John-Roger does not instruct me to forgive myself, I find that I am inclined to forgive myself for these philosophies and to honor that these philosophies did, in fact, develop from very specific experiences. Now I have to recognize that they no longer serve me to help me develop the habits that I truly want.
So what philosophy did you identify that most surprised you? Share it with us below.